second helpings

Alison Kelly during END-TOMBED

During a fat bike ride yesterday with my to-be Arrowhead partner, Grant and another friend, Alison, i found myself treated to another generous helping of doubt - my second in as many weeks.

Back at home after the ride my wife, Tammy, commented that she wasn't sure that what i was doing (training one hour a week) was going to cut it this time.

I can't deny that i found myself asking some tough questions.

"Why the hell am i doing this?" for starters.

Tammy would say i'm stubborn.  Which of course is true, but there's more too it than that.  Interestingly enough - all this doubt actually fuels my drive.  Not because I want to prove anyone wrong - but rather because it points to the fact that the outcome of this thing - my attempt to ride the Arrowhead 135 in one push and, with reasonable conditions, go under 24 hours - is highly uncertain if not downright improbable.

And at least for me, it is uncertainty that is compelling above all other things.  I know i can ride 135 miles through deep winter in the wilderness of minnesota if i prioritize it in a way that allows for more significant training.  It would't be a sure thing of course, but i'd bet that even if the conditions were so bad on a given year that only 20% of the bikers finished, I'd be among them.  Based on my 2010 performance on 3 hours a week i'm pretty sure i could go under 24 if i trained harder too.  My goal this time around, however, often just seems simply absurd.

And the beauty of it (for me anyway) is that it really might be just that.  I might not stand a chance.

So when Tammy suggested that maybe i should train more to make sure i could finish the race I just shook my head.

To which she replied - "but you don't even know if you can make it on such little training."

Precisely.